DuhVEEDuh Wears Boring Shoes

I was passing the desk yesterday on my way to the pharmacy, and David, the owner of this madhouse, called me over to tell me that he had a package for me.

"I make sure no one steal this from you," he said.  Apparently, people here are apt to pick up FedX packages willy-nilly (our mail is delivered in a lump that sits on the front desk for us to sift through since all of the mailboxes - those little ones with locks - lack keys).

"If they did, they'd be disappointed.  No one here could fit into size 6 Mary Janes, or would want to, David."

"What is Mary Janes?"

" Shoes.   The same shoes I have on now, but new - I wear them out every 6 months because I have hooves instead of feet."

He considered this a moment, then said, "High heels make you more pretty."

"I have a difficult time staying vertical as it is, David.  High heels would cause me to spend quite a bit of time picking myself up and bandaging whatever is bleeding."

He frowns (and no one frowns like a Greek, lemme tell ya...)  "Boring shoes.  You need pretty shoes.  You buy pretty shoes next time, okay?"

"I'll buy some  gold lame Mary Janes, k?  Mebbe get some that have LED lights built into the heels so all the perverts around here don't loose track of me in the dark."

So, if anyone runs across a pair of size 6, gold lame Mary Janes with built-in LED lights (preferably blinkers), please let me know...