Skeered-ded

I'm in the hospital for heart-related issues, and I'm scared.  I don't know what they are planning for me, what I will have to do about it, and I am thoroughly freaked-out by the idea of surgery ( I know they're talking about surgery, I just don't know what kind or if I'll have to have it {or if I can weasal out of it!}). 

I am disappointed in myself in that I have reached a point of Big Baby-ism in that I sat here and cried simply because I am scared.  What the fuck happened to my balls???  Have I really come to this?  When I realized what I was doing, I smacked myself in the head a few times and quit being such a pussy, but - it's true that I'm afraid.  Very much so.